Expectations…

July 1, 2011
I mourn the loss of who I believed her to be, who I wanted her to be. Now I know who she is and from there healing can begin. I forgive myself for not seeing her, for projecting my needs for her onto her and holding her to unfair expectations. She is a wounded being, that is truth. But she is also loving and kind and desperately scared. She feels trapped in the life of the body she has chosen for she cannot remember her choice, her lesson. So she plays the victim. It is the perfect role for her as it has been modeled to her perfectly by both her parents and it feels safe. It is what she knows. That is life to her, her perception of it. She cannot yet see past it.
By holding yourself in ultimate truth and Light and mirroring that for her, you are giving her a great gift. The gift of being able to look into your eyes and see her own potential, her own Light. This has never been shown to her before. When we project our expectations onto other beings they feel like they need to live up to our expectations otherwise they will let us down, disappoint us and lose our love. So the being that is a completely out-of-control mess who suffers depression and self-hatred will become the liar/alcoholic to mask this reality to shield you from it so you will still love her. If you can be with her in love and unconditionality and allow her to be a depressed mess and acknowledge her suffering, you have two authentic beings able to relate to one another without the pain of disappointment and the fear of losing love. Our expectations create a love that is conditional thus creating the need for concealment whether through lying or addictions. That is not to give a blanket excuse for self-destructive behavior, we all have free will and could make the choice to say ” Hey! I know that is who you want me to be, but that is not who I am, this is who I am. Can you still love me?” Not many have the courage to do this.
They lie to conceal out of fear of losing love then by lying create the abandonment they fear because no one trusts them and wants a liar for a friend. In the movie Avatar instead of saying “I love you” they say “I see you.” That is truly powerful for how can we claim to love another being if we cannot see them for who they truly are? Saying I love you without seeing them is phony and insincere, we love who we want them to be, who they are for us or how they make us feel or look… But not for who they truly are, their inner being. And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high. “S/He changed! ”  Probably not, they just couldn’t keep up the charade any longer.

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About Maria Falce

Maria is a spiritual writer and a self-love warrior with a deep and diverse background in both the culinary and healing arts. She is most passionate about guiding people to connect with their inner voice, a midwife to the joyful birth of inherent authentic creativity that lives within us all.
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