I got up this morning fully intending to write my Valentines Day piece about self-love.
When I let Doodles outside, a single deer jumped out of the cedars. I had startled her by opening the door and she ran toward the path leading away from the house. As I was sending her love and apologies for frightening her, I noticed that she had a limp; she was favoring her back right leg. I looked down and saw a large swelling on her right ankle (which would appear to be her right knee). My breath caught in my throat, this is the deer I hit on Cleveland Avenue 4 weeks ago. She has found me.
I was driving down to the Box Factory to retrieve the child from art class on a snowy Tuesday. I was listening to my husband’s music and was in that place that music takes you, (I have since decided that I cannot listen to music and drive) when BAM, she was in front of me. I slammed on my brakes and swerved as she ran for the snow bank but I could not avoid her. Her cosmic timing was perfect. I hit her on her back right hip and leg. She flew onto the snow bank and landed on her side. I was in such shock I did not see her get up. I kept driving until I could turn around safely and go back. As I drove away in a panic, I saw the rest of her herd trounce safely across Cleveland. I was distraught as I waited to turn back. The man that was right behind me drove past and made eye contact…was he worried and sympathetic or was he judging me for not paying attention? Or was that just me, judging me… When I returned to the scene, she was gone. No blood anywhere. I had not killed her…yet. I cried the entire way to the Box. Sofia said to stop thinking about it, it’s over! Bob told me that she likely ran off and was icing her hip in a snowdrift…really?! Oh, my dear family…do they not know the lengths my mind will go to in order to assume blame for all things “bad” in this world?
So, here she is, in my back yard, does she need help? I wonder. I needed some answers so I consulted my trusty pendulum.
Is she the deer I hit? YES
Does she need my help? NO
Is her herd nearby? YES
Is she staying close to me? NO
Did she come to show me she is OK? YES
Does she want me to do distance healing with her? NO
Does she want me to forgive myself for hitting her? YES
Should I feed her? NO
Since I do not believe in coincidence, I decided to consult the always trustworthy interwebs to see what possible lesson there was for me. Here is her medicine for me from linsdomain.com
Gentleness and Innocence
Deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness
to touch the hearts and minds of
wounded beings who are in our lives.
Don’t push towards change in others,
rather gently nudge them in right direction
with the love that comes from a Deer totem.
When a Deer totem shows up in your life,
a new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened.
There is going to be a gentle lure of new adventures.
There will be an opportunity to express the gentle love
that will open new doors for you.
Thank you sweet and gentle spirit. I am so sorry I hurt you. Sending gentle love to you, I hope that is OK. I understand now and want you to know I have forgiven myself for hurting you. For being careless and not paying closer attention. I just wish the delivery of your gifts did not have to be so extreme. I understand that sometimes we need to be intensely shaken from our trance. Embracing gentleness and freshness. Thank you.